Archive for the 'Wreck This Journal' category

Wreck This Journal – Day 13 – Document Your Dinner

Mar 10 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal

I’ve got to say, I wasn’t keen on this one. As I am no longer three years old, I can manage – on a good day, at least – to get my food in my mouth and not smear it all over the place.



You’re going to have to pretend I’m northern, as it was my lunch I smeared over the page, not my dinner.


My lunch consisted of hummus, stuffed vine leaves, tomato couscous, artichokes and falafel.


I wasn’t happy about wasting hummus, I can tell you.

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Wreck This Journal – Day 12 – Press Leaves And Other Found Things

Mar 09 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal

Hello, today’s Wreck This Journal is a special Seaside Edition.


Today was a fortuitous day. Because I – along with the rest of the population – woke up, saw the sun and exclaimed all over social media, ‘YAY, IT’S THE SUMMER’, I decided to go to the beach.  I am aware this makes it sound as if I live really close to the seaside when it’s actually a ten mile bike ride away but I went without alcohol last night (a rare occurrence on a Saturday) so I had the energy to do the twenty mile round trip.

I’d said to Helen before I went that I was going to a) give the book a little paddle in the sea; and b) find some shells and seaweed and stuff to put in it. Then, just before I went, I randomly chose a page and, hurrah, today’s instruction was to press leaves and other things I found into the book, so it was as if it was meant to be. wreck-this-journal-leaves-and-other-found-things

The book enjoyed being at the beach, as you can see.


And here’s a video of my Wreck This Journal having a little paddle in the sea.


Here’s some stuff I picked up on the beach. Apparently the Queen owns most of the seaside so, sorry Queenie, for nicking your shells (and feathers and pebbles and seaweed and, um, a dead daffodil).



When I got home (after going to a cafe to drink tea, eat a scone with jam and clotted cream (jam first, clotted cream on top – the Cornish way), and a toasted teacake with butter (all this for two people came to about £5 – a bargain! If you’re ever in Dymchurch, go to the Village Cafe), I put the Wreck This Journal out to dry in the sun.



Then, because the book said to find leaves and I hadn’t found any leaves, I went round the garden and picked a few leaves and flowers and a bit of bark and a mushroom (all the while trying not to get spotted by the neighbours – a challenge not made any easier with most of the fences having been blown down during the recent windy weather) and added it to the collection of stuff I stole from Her Maj.



Realising if I stuck the shells into the book, they’d get broken, I stuck the things I found in the garden into the book instead.



But not wanting to have thieved from the Queen – thereby increasing my chances of being thrown into the Tower and beheaded – for no reason, I covered the cover in pink glitter glue and stuck the shells to that.


Which is when Shaun came in and reminded me I’m 44. But I think it looks pretty. So there.

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Wreck This Journal – Day 11 – Figure Out A Way To Attach These Two Pages Together

Mar 08 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal


Not the most difficult of challenges, really. What’s to figure out? Originally, I thought I’d just tape them together but then remembered my glitter glue. I’m not sure of the point of glitter glue. I mean, it’s pretty and that, but the whole point of glue is that you stick something with it and so once you’ve stuck whatever it is you wanted to stick, you can’t see the glue anymore.



Shame about the smudged bit but  these two pages are now squidged together with glitter glue so it’s all one big smudge, really.


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Wreck This Journal – Day 10 – Cover This Page With White Things

Mar 07 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal

Yesterday I bought some art supplies – watercolours, a pack of four glitter glues, a pack of five glue sticks and, my new favourite thing, a rainbow crayon.



I said to Helen, ‘I hope I get to draw stuff today’ but the Wreck This Journal Gods must have heard me and decided to take the piss, as today I got this.



Yeah, all those pretty colours to play with and I have to find only white things. I could have just sat on it, I suppose (my surname’s White… get it? Yes? Good), but I had a look on my desk for something white and put a bit of scrap paper in it, then found more pieces of paper which had a sum and a bit of a receipt on. Boring, but at least I got to play with my new glitter glue. Then I got a bit more adventurous and pasted in an empty packet of ear plugs, along with an iPod Shuffle adapter, some liquid soap, a bit of toilet roll, a Bobby Conn badge and some white paint.


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Wreck This Journal – Day 9 – Test Page For Pens, Paints, Markers, or Art Supplies

Mar 06 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal

I spent a long time in the arty bit in Tesco yesterday eyeing up the pens and paints (it’s actually the children’s bit but ‘arty bit’ makes me sound less of a weirdo). I decided not to buy any and to see whether I’d actually need any paint and stuff and, what do you know? Yep, today I needed paint and stuff.



I went through the ‘drawer with officey type shit in it’ and found the scissors I said the other day weren’t in there. Still, they’re back now in their proper place – next to the Panda pen in the pot on the windowsill.



All the coloured pens, felt tips, CD markers and highlighters were taken out of the drawer – I even found an Ikea pencil that I don’t remember stealing.



I coloured and scribbled and drew a cat and a smiley face and a duck and a poo. Yes, I drew a poo. I even labelled it in case no one knew it was a poo. This is what happens when your tutor calls in sick and you get an unexpected day off uni.



There is a typo on there that I, as a creative and professional writing student, should be thoroughly ashamed of. Can you spot it?

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Wreck This Journal – Day 8 – Tear This Page Out And Put It Through The Wash

Mar 05 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal


Dammit, this has confused me – I don’t get to complete it in one day. Not unless I get changed, wash the jeans I’m currently wearing (that I’ve stuck the crumpled piece of paper into the pocket of), then somehow dry them (no tumble dryer here). I think finding a launderette and getting a service wash is a bit extravagant. Plus, if the launderette staff were doing their job properly, they’d go through the pockets to check for tissues and money and stuff, wouldn’t they? My knowledge of launderette staff ends at Dot Cotton though and I can’t remember an episode which highlighted her conscientiousness.

Although, thinking about it, it doesn’t actually say the washing has to be dry and if the washing was wet, the torn out page would be easier to uncrumple after because if I try to uncrumple it when it’s been washed and dried, it’s going to turn to dust, isn’t it? So I’m thinking it would be best to put it through the wash, retrieve it from the wash, let it dry out a little so it doesn’t just fall apart, then uncrumple it?



I fear I may be in danger of over-analysing this.



But, the page is torn out, crumpled and in my pocket ready to be washed. I will report back in a few days.

Over and out.


I’ve done my washing now and the page is a mushed up blob. There’s no way it can be unfolded. I’m sure I’ve heard reports of people saving fivers and tenners after being washed?

Well, it’s just as well this page isn’t worth anything, as this is what it looks like now.


It said to stick it back into the book and I always take these things too literally and thought it meant stick it back where I found it, but there’s no way that’s going back to the tiny bit of page that’s left, so I stuck it to the inside of the front cover.


I am aware it looks like I’ve stuck a tampon into my book.


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Wreck This Journal – Day 7 – Journal Golf (youtube video)

Mar 04 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal

I was going to wait until this evening and ask Shaun to video me doing this but in case he didn’t have time, I thought I’d try to video myself playing journal golf. Yes, it was as unsuccessful as expected – the videoing bit and playing bit. And since when did golf involve kicking stuff, anyway?

My cat gets a look-in in this, that’s the best bit.

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Wreck This Journal – Day 6 – Create a Non-Stop Line

Mar 03 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal

Yay, drawing. Well, sort of drawing, anyway.


Today I got to draw a non-stop squiggly line in orange.

It wasn’t quite non-stop though, as my pen got a bit stuck over the bits that got cut through yesterday. The eagle-eyed and pedantic amongst you will also notice a small gap when I went across the page.


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Wreck This Journal – Day 5 – Cut Through Several Layers

Mar 02 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal

Helen got to write an internal monologue this morning, while I got to be destructive again. Considering she’s the one with the newborn baby and I’m the creative writing student, you’d think she’d be the one getting messy, while I’d be the one getting all internal monologuey wouldn’t you? Oh well, maybe my subconscious is giving me time off from writing thousands of words (except for this blog, duh) and giving a different part of my brain some fun.


When I was still living in London, Shaun got so fed up using my broken, blunt scissors, he bought me a shiny sharp new pair. I don’t usually lose stuff. I usually know exactly where anything is at any given time, even if it’s on the floor under a cabinet somewhere. So, I was a bit perturbed when my scissors weren’t in their usual place in my pen pot.


Yes, I’ve got a pen with a panda on it. Don’t judge me, you’re just jealous.

The scissors weren’t in the ‘drawer with officey type shit’ either.



So, this meant a trip downstairs to the kitchen drawer where the other scissors always live. If the scissors aren’t in there when needed, this sparks a national enquiry. International, even. It’s call up Roger Cook and the United Nations time.



Scissors procured; let the cutting commence.



Snippy snippy. This journal is certainly getting wrecked.



ART, innit?

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Wreck This Journal – Day 4 – Scrub This Page

Mar 01 2014 Published by under Wreck This Journal

I still haven’t had to do any drawing although, judging by some of the amazing work I’ve found on the internet, I’d be put to shame. I can manage a stick man, but that’s about it (despite getting an A for art at school). Today’s wrecking was about getting messy.



Getting this page messy, anyway. But what to scrub it with? Shaun was downstairs plastering the kitchen ceiling and I didn’t think he’d be too pleased if I kicked him out just so I could find something to scrub a piece of paper with. Also, I didn’t think he’d be too happy if I used up a scouring pad, so I had a little think and decided to give the page a bit of an exfoliating with some apricot seed foot scrub and then give it the once over with a Scholl foot grater.


Yay, now the page is silky smooth and peachy soft. Okay, it’s not. It’s knackered.



Anyone want me to do their feet for them?

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