I’ve just got to the Daily haiku part in the BRB (I know, I know, I’m behind…) and I was looking forward to this bit as then I could see if what I’d been doing up to now was completely shit. Well, obviously I knew it was completely shit, but I just wanted it confirmed.
A traditional haiku is one that captures a scene in nature or seasonal change arranged in three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables.
We’re told to focus on painting a picture in words but then the BRB loses my respect by saying not to exceed the seventeen syllables but we may make it less. Less syllables? LESS? Surely they mean fewer? Bah.
Oh well, onto the haiku. With seventeen syllables or fewer.
Green eyes gaze out of window
Black fur meets sharp claws
Blue skies and green trees
Clouds floating overhead
Fields are full of sheep
Rubber burns tarmac
A distant rumble of cars
Rush hour traffic looms
Hmm. How many syllables in “hour”? One or two? I’m thinking two now, which means my haiku is WRONG.
A lonely cottage
Tiles fall and crash to the ground
Only brick remains
Would that sound better as “only bricks remain” rather than “only brick remains”?
This focusing on painting a picture in words thing is quite hard, as I’m trying to think in a deeper, more sensory way, rather than just choosing some words and trying to make them fit into 5-7-5.
Their silent call to nature
Here it is tranquil
I think there’s too many small words in my haiku, e.g. “is”, “to”, “a”. I need to cut these down.
Bookmark scuffed and bent
A reminder of books read
Many more to come
Well, that’s neither a scene in nature nor a seasonal change but hey ho, I don’t think Bashô’s going to rise from his grave and come after me.
White clouds suspended
Like high up sheep
Ok, I’m getting into silly terrority now. And I was doing so well with the nature thing.
Black face peeks through fence
Chomping the grass on the ground
Looks up, says “baa”
Mother brings the food
Kids are screaming “that’s my plate!”
Father takes a drink
I’m not sure if quotation marks are allowed in haiku. Probably not.
That’s the end of today’s haiku.