Interrupted in the most haunted village in Britain

The first TMA is due on Friday and for the first part, we had to write a 200-300 word freewrite.  I’ve done that, and now I need to do the second part:  Write a 750 story or autobiography based on the freewrite.  My freewrite ended up mentioning a friend’s wedding on Hallowe’en and so I thought “aha, a ghost story then” and as I live near-ish Pluckley – the most haunted village in Britain – I thought I’d nip up there and get some inspiration.

So I’m happily sitting in the graveyard doing writerly things and I’m busy scribbling down descriptions of bright red trees against bright blue skies and doggy choirs going on somewhere in the distance when two ramblers I’d passed in the street enter the graveyard.  Just as I’m wondering if they’d noticed my pink bicycle when I went past and remember me, they come over and interrupt my scribbling and the woman says “sorry to disturb you” and so instead of saying “piss off and stop disturbing me then”, I remember I’m British and say “that’s ok, no problem” and the woman asks to sit down.  The bench is very small and there’s not enough room for two people who aren’t related to sit on it at the same time and so I stand up and let her sit down and she says something like “oh, have I stolen your seat?” and I think YES YOU HAVE, YOU EVIL OLD WOMAN and I say “no, I was going anyway” which I wasn’t as I wanted to sit on the bench doing writerly things and then she starts asking me questions like do I live round here and do I know where the pub is and she says she’s out on a three mile walk and I think “I don’t fucking care, you’ve ruined my day you old bag” and I put my notebook and pen away and I think if I had one of these,


then not only could I carry it around with me and do writerly things on it like, um, write, but I could bash evil old women ramblers who steal my chair around the head with it.


  1. Very funny. I got married on Halloween last yeah! Spooky, eh….

  2. Hehehe, there’s a new Cluedo weapon and scene for you – in the graveyard with the laptop!

  3. You wouldn’t want to break it though. By the way- what’s a doggy choir?

  4. A doggy choir was the sound of all the dogs barking somewhere in the distance. One started, then another, then another…

  5. Y’know, I wonder if you could have used the old woman in your freewrite? She must have been interesting to look at, to listen to – even if she annoyed you – and perhaps that annoyance could have worked its way into your freewriite too. What was she like? What was she wearing, what did she smell like, what was her voice like – did it remind you of anybody… etc etc etc. Instead of letting her ruin your day, she might have made your day if you’d spent some of your talent on her. Mary

  6. Hi Mary

    I did write her down in my notebook just after I left the graveyard. She didn’t completely ruin my day, did she? She made my blog post far more interesting that it would have been otherwise. Creative licence and all that.

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