At the end of last week’s post, I’d just completed my first day of Sleepstation’s sleep restriction therapy programme and I had another six days of staying up until 2am and getting up at 7:30am.
For the first few days, I was an absolute zombie but without the benefit of getting to perv over Daryl (if Daryl’s still in The Walking Dead, that is. The only episode I’ve watched in the last couple of years is the one where Carl dies, and I only saw that episode because I wanted to watch the annoying little shit cark it).
On the fourth day, I woke up so knackered I seriously considered taking a day off from the programme. After I’d shouted at Alexa to shut the fuck up, I lay in bed fighting the urge to roll over and go back to sleep, while various thoughts rattled round my head:
- Will I have to do the whole week again if I fail now?
- Will I get told off for not sticking to the schedule?
- Will I have to restrict my sleep for more days?
- Will I feel bad?
- Will I ruin everything?
- If I take a day off now, will I think, ‘Fuck it, there’s no point doing it if I’m not going to do it properly’ and not carry on with the rest of the programme?
As much as I didn’t want to get told off or punished for not sticking to the plan, I knew if I took a day off now, there’d probably be no going back for me and I’d feel really bad so, although I got up later than I was supposed to, it was only by half an hour.
I didn’t see the point in pretending I’d stuck to the schedule and not keep an accurate record, so when I filled in my sleep diary for the day, I confessed to my extra half an hour in bed and waited for Sleepstation to tell me I was a slacker and I’d ruined everything and I’d have to do an extra day at the end of the week.
Sleepstation though, bless them, must be used to people cracking at this part of the sleep restriction therapy as they sent me an alert saying, “We know how difficult this part of Sleepstation can be. It’s great to see how well you are doing so far. Keep up the good work!” I needed these words of encouragement so much it brought sleep-deprived-tears to my eyes and I didn’t even mind they spelt my name wrong. (Okay, I did mind really but at least it proved there was a human typing on the other side – a lot of the messages* come across as computer-generated.)
Over the next few days, I felt a lot better. I fell asleep instantly and woke up feeling tired but also felt that, although I’d only had a few hours sleep, it had been quality sleep. I started to see how sleep restriction therapy works. By restricting your time in bed, you spend more time sleeping and less time lying awake – therefore getting better quality sleep, and you can see from the chart my sleep had indeed improved. Yay.
Although I started to understand the theory behind sleep restriction therapy, and felt better for it, at 7:30am, 2:00am still seemed a very long time away and I looked forward to getting my sleep time increased and not just because I missed lying in bed with my cats.
The days got easier and I actually felt ‘normal’ (until I tried to speak to anyone and realised I’d forgotten how to form a coherent sentence) but the evenings were still difficult. I’m used to winding down after my dinner at 6ish by putting my pyjamas on and settling down on the sofa in front of the television. I couldn’t do that when I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to go to bed until 2am though as I had eight hours to fill and there was no way I could spend eight hours watching television. Eight hours in which to do whatever I wanted sounds great in theory but, by the evening, I was too tired to do anything except try and stay awake.
After the first week of sleep diaries, the plan is assessed and either stays the same or is adjusted. After pressing ‘send’ on my last entry for the week, I felt like I was waiting for exam results and kept checking to see if my plan had been sent back. When I saw I’d been given an extra half an hour in bed, it felt like I’d passed my exams with flying colours.
The sleep diaries continue and you’re also asked to keep a ‘cognitive control daily diary’ which is something about getting all the thoughts out of your brain so you’re not spending the night stressing about things you’ve done in the day or things you have to do tomorrow. They ask you to write down all the things you did that day, along with a list of things you need to do tomorrow and the plans and strategies in place to do those things. The example given was ‘Go to the Post Office’ and ‘put letters in envelopes’ which, let’s face it, are really lame examples and nothing that would keep me awake at night.
Some things I have pondered this week:
- When you get up at 7:30am, 2:00am seems a really long way off.
- When it’s 8pm, 2:00am still seems like a really long way off.
- When it’s 10pm and most people are thinking about going to bed or have already gone to bed, 2:00am is still a fucking long way off.
- Time really drags between 1:00am and 2:00am.
- All the shouting on Eastenders is really annoying at midnight.
- My cats get confused when I’m not in bed at a reasonable hour and come looking for me.
- I may feel sort of fine but when I try to talk to people I seem to have forgotten how to speak.
- I feel I’m not in control of my days and I’m simply spending the time awake until I’m ‘allowed’ to go to bed. It’s like when I did the Three Peaks Challenge and it seemed my life consisted solely of ‘being up a mountain’ and ‘being in a car’. Now my life seems to consist solely of trying to stay awake until the few hours when I’m allowed to sleep.
- I thought my cats might show a bit of solidarity but the little bastards spend even more time asleep than usual, just to wind me up.
I’m not sure what happens after the second week. Hopefully I’ll get more time in bed. With my cats. Yay.
*There are ‘messages’ and ‘alerts’. They are both messages but ‘messages’ are more general and ‘alerts’ are sent from the support team if they notice something they need to discuss with you.
For more information on Sleepstation sleep restriction programme, visit their website.
I’m impressed, Cathy! Sounds like the therapy is physically and mentally effective, even if it takes an emotional toll for the moment. I’m pleased to hear the support team are so involved. Looks like you’re actually not alone in this. Stick with it, Cathy.
Thanks, it was a lot harder this week! I feel there could be more support, although I don’t ask for any, so maybe if I did, I would feel they were more involved. I’m sure it’s there if you want it. That message from them certainly came at the right time though 🙂
I agree, I’m on it right now and i’m struggling with the lack of support. its hard to get to meaningful answers or have a conversation when you only get one reply per day so everything gets stretched. I tried to phone them but apparently they can’t speak due to phones being not secure lol I’m looking for alternatives but reading your post makes me more inclined to try them again
Hi Umair, definitely stick with it because it does work! It’s just a shame their support is a bit hit and miss. Good luck with it and please let me know how you get on.
I’m really struggling in the mornings to wake up – if I do make it out of bed Im finding myself on the sofa straight after cos my head is spinning!
How are you getting on now, Umair?
Hey Cathy!
Just had a quick look through your other posts and theyre really helpful – I think I share a lot of your sentiment. I might write my own diaries of an insomniac!
Well I’ve been using sleep station for over a month now and I think I’ve improved albeit slightly. Before I was waking up multiple times in the night but i think ive corrected my cortisol which is good. Sleep resctriction wise i’m going to bed at 00:30 and waking up at 7:30 am – I’m falling asleep pretty quickly but still wake up everyday around 5 am then get back to sleep but its not as deep. Sometimes im defnitely struggling to either stay awake or wake up at my alarm..sometimes sleeping in cos I’m so knackered. Been experimenting a bit with night time routines and also using a fitbit to monitor my sleep scores lol got an appointment booked with a clinical psycologist in 2 weeks to ‘diagnose’ me… will be annoyed if its £250 for more sleep hygiene stuff haha getting bit concerned that its been like this for months now but otherwise feeling okay! im gonna try to stick with the schedule really tightly now if possible..was slacking for a bit. Funnily enough getting really drunk one night exhausted me so much for a few days i had a great sleep.
I’m glad your sleep has improved, even if only slightly! My sleep has got worse but that’s because I’ve been getting up late. It really is important to stick to a schedule, no matter how brutal it is. I don’t drink, so I can’t do the ‘get drunk and be exhausted for a few days’ thing 🙂
Yeah I think the schedule is key really! I went off it and realised it messed me up so gonna stick at it! haha ive avoided it for months cos it maeks sleep worse but one off 😉
The support by sleep station is so shit though. Really needs improvement
Hi Cathy, Hows your sleep?Ha! Seriously appreciate your post on Sleep Station. I was in fits of laughter because I soo identified with most of your struggles – what to do with 8 hrs till 2am in the morning etc. (I was to!ld you shouldnt watch tv 2 hrs before your bedtime!.) I needed a laugh to relieve the stress of sleep restriction and anxiety and the intensity of it all. Dont pick up you suffer with anxiety? Anyway, i am on my first week of therapy torture and I too feel completely shattered. I actually cheated today after being awake and up from 3am till 4.30am (I am supposed to get up by 5.30)I felt so ill with tiredness I went back to bed at 5am and slept for an hour. I know I will be getting an alert about that! But at least I got 5 hrs sleep which means I can focus on things today. I am a ‘mature’ woman over 65yrs so they put me on 12am to 5.30am plan but I asked for a change to 11-5.00am. So I have the challenge of what on earth to do 5.00 am to 7.30 when I am like a zombie surviving mostly on 4 hrs sleep. Hopefully I will get used to it and things will improve as I have struggled with insomnia for years and years… I needed encouragement anyway and a laugh and you have given me both so thankyou and bless you. ps how long were you on sleep restriction and would you say you are sleeping much better? Anne
Hi Anne, thanks for your comment and the kind words about my post! My sleep is inconsistent to say the least. I’ve been sleeping well some nights (all the way through, yay!) and as bad as before others (awake for hours… zzzzz…) but as long as there are more good nights than bad, I suppose I can’t complain really. I feel your pain being on the first week – ouch! It does get better, I promise and, most importantly, it works! Well, it did for me, anyway. I hope it does for you too. Please let me know how you get on.
I actually saw a Clinical Psychologist and have swithced to Sleepio cos he can track me there. I felt like I needed to actually speak to someone about my issues and get some better support. I’m still going through the same thing as waking up after 4 hoursa nd then a few times after that but im feeling more refreshed in general i think.. its early days though!
I’m glad you’re feeling more refreshed and I hope Sleepio works for you!
Hi Cathy, Thanks for your reply. I agree it helps to work through what’s preventing restful sleep with a professional otherwise the programme is likely to just be a temporary fix and the issues remain causing sleep disturbance only to resurface again. I hope your sessions with the psychologist are fruitful for you. . I am part way through week 2. I had to ask for a change of plan because the 5hr one was too severe for me and resulted in getting v anxious because I cudnt relax to sleep much at all. I am now on 11.15-5.15am which I can cope with but sleep still isn’t as deep n refreshing as it could be!. Whilst professionals can help + I have started counselling sessions myself to untangle my mind n emotions I do strongly believe that the only way to lasting, deep inner healing is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. I dont know if you have a faith but after much searching by me into different faith’s over the years He ‘found’me and although I know deep down I am now a forgiven sinner iam in the process of being ‘cleaned up’ (from lies I have believed) healed and restored but it’s a journey of trust and i have been in a rush to get out the other side sometimes so…. I am now submitting to the process with Him gently leading me including working through Counselling. I pray Jesus finds you too so your healing can be complete in every way. Warm wishes fromAnne.
Hi Anne, it was Umair who also commented who is seeing the psychologist, not me. I stuck with Sleepstation. I hope your sleep improves.
Sorry Cathy I didnt have a good sleep at all last night so I am struggling to stay awake. Hope your night was a better one….
I can see that nothing has been posted for a while. I am doing Sleepstation at the moment and could so identify with a lot of what you said Cathy (with a C!). I don’t actually think they read what I say and I get responses from different therapist all the time. Thre is no continuity. I would just like to know if it did work for you?
Hi Lesley
You can see all the latest posts if you go to the home page. I wrote a final post saying that it worked for me 🙂 (My sleep is so-so at the moment – not as good as it was at the end of the program but better than before I started it. This is because I don’t stick to a schedule though and that’s the only way I think to have consistently good sleep.) I hope it works for you – let me know how you get on!